Pretty, Happy, Real, and (The Husband’s) Funny

It’s time for another addition of Pretty, Happy, Funny, Real — only today, my version is Pretty, Happy, Real, Funny. This is a Thursday link-up brought to you by the great ladies at Like Mother, Like Daughter. Click here to read what’s happening this week in Leila’s life and to find other links to other bloggers’ contentment in the everyday:



Our daughter, Alyssa, is 23 and talented in her mom’s opinion. She made these lovely paper snowflakes.





Alyssa also made these mustache straws as a gift for a happy, mustache-loving friend. They make me smile.





Christmas is almost here — for real! These sweet potato mini-muffins are for a tea my side of the family is planning. Straight into the freezer, please — don’t even think of eating one. (But you can have one of the dozen regular-size darlings I baked at the same time. Except they’re already gone. So you can’t. Sorry. That’s real, isn’t it?)



Quick! Before Christmas — a man’s version

After he read Tuesday’s blog post, The Husband emailed me his version and asked if he could post it here. I laughed the whole way through it. Be assurred: it is tongue firmly in cheek. He’s like the literal kid at Christmas…



The Husband, enjoying Christmas with his extended family. He loves them, despite what you read here.

 The Husband’s writing is in red.
1. Make space: Assess and declutter the kids’ toys and clothing. Do it with them, do it without them (with great wisdom and depending on their ages), but do it. No, you don’t do it without them; you get rid of all that junk while they are in bed. Then you don’t have to have long conversations of why some of it needs to go. Yes, the next morning they will ask where some of it went and you need to have an answer ready. Tell them the Grinch must have stopped by and took all their fun. Show them the movie to reinforce the idea. Plus, it is a holiday tradition which makes it a two-for-one deal. Make room for what you know is coming. How come we didn’t get the amount of stuff from our parents when we were little that our kids get? Anyway, you just got rid of a bunch of stuff (see above) and now your parents, and hers, want to fill your house back up. Don’t let them. Tell your parents and in-laws your children have been acting very greedy lately thinking they deserve a bunch of stuff from their grandparents. Tell them the children need to learn a lesson. Thus, only get them one thing. You know they will not hold to this, but it should help with the grandparent math issue. You know the grandparent math problems; 1 toy = 2-3, 2 toys = 4-5 and so on. Go together to donate. Give the kids a penny or two and have them tell the bell ringers they will donate it if they will stop ringing the annoying bell for a minute. Talk about blessings – how they come in and how they go out. Yep, the grandparents giveth and the Grinch taketh. Enjoy those toys while they have them because they might disappear overnight. Train them to think of their possessions in the proper perspective, and while you are doing all that training…

…be a good example by going through your own possessions – your clothing, hobby materials, and household items. Yep, take a few minutes to look though your shop supply stock. You have had bolt A for only 5 years — keep it as you might need it. Had it for over 20 years — consider taking it to the junk yard next time you go. This way you keep your shop supply stock fresh and you can use the money you get from the junk yard to buy updated hardware. Just do what you can. If others are asking you for gift ideas, this is a good way to make sure you request something you can really use and enjoy. Remember, you might not need it this year or this century, but you might need it at some point. If you don’t, it adds to the weight you take to the junk yard. Additionally on the gift ideas, make a word document of all your Christmas wants and save a copy. After Christmas, delete the items you receive and throughout the year add things as you see or think of them. Then next year when someone asks, your list is ready and you can email it to them.

2. Spend time to save time: Figure out where you will be and when you will be there, and figure out who will be coming to you. Think about the clothing (A black suit, white shirt and black tie works for a party and for funerals. Another two-for-one deal.), food (pay attention to food places that make party trays), gifts (Gift cards are the sliced bread of the electronic age. Plus, if you buy them at the right place you can get reduced-price gas for your truck), and money you will need to carry through with your holiday plans. This money idea is very important. When you are old, you don’t want to be out mowing your grass and weeding, you want your great-nephews doing it. Thus, you need to be bribing your nieces and nephews now. A few dollars in their hands now will ensure they make their kids come to your place and work for virtually nothing someday. Do you need to get that sparkly dress dry cleaned? Women’s clothing that needs to be dry cleaned is a continual drain on your funds. Make sure she buys herself only wash and wear clothing. Plus, you know your wife is still a good looking woman and sparkly dresses only improve the package. If she looks too good, some guy is going to start chatting her up and tell her he has more than a black suit. She will then want to get you a blue one. This is dangerous because you will have to choose which suit to wear to which occasion. You will have gone from a simple life to a complex one. This is not saving time. Talk her into donating this dress. Do it this week. Can you bake a double batch of the muffins you are making today and freeze half for Christmas morning? Yes, muffins from the grocery store do freeze well, sometimes for years. Grab a cartfull when they are on clearance next time. Even if they are freezer burned after a year or two, pop them in the microwave and they will be almost fresh. Do you need to get more pillows for overnight guests? Get them the next time you go out. This is a dangerous move. If you get pillows your guests will think your place is better than the local Motel 6 and they will wander through your house leaving all the lights on! Make sure you have lumpy mattresses and pillows on hand. The few minutes it takes to change out your good stuff with stuff you picked up at the local mission is well worth it considering your guests will not want to come back again. Go as far as to get some stained pillowcases from the mission. This will save you a great amount of time and money (guest using water, food, electric, food, heat, and food) in the long run.

3. Speaking of food, think about food: Start planning meals and thinking of what you will take for the get-together you will attend. Make lists. Buy non-perishable ingredients now, especially if they are on sale. Think of what else you can make ahead besides those muffins. I already partially covered this above, but I will expound on it. Going to parties only wears out your one suit all the faster. It is bad enough you have to show up to funerals, you don’t want to be expected to show up to these parties, unless if the woman who are normally invited are really good cooks or the men bring venison. Then you want to be there and you might have to up the level of the party platter you bring. This is a delicate balancing game of bringing the correct party tray to get re-invited without spending too much. If you know you do not want to get invited back again, get the party tray of sugar-free cookies. This is an almost guaranteed non-invite for next year unless the host is diabetic, in which case you will be looked upon as being “sweet” for thinking about them. If this happens, figure out what they most would love to have but can’t and bring an abundance of it next year. While we are on food, make that holiday meal simple by breaking out the peanut butter and jelly. If you want to go a little fancier, get some packages of bologna and cheese slices. If you want to get really fancy, fry the bologna.

4. Stay sane: (Most of the above “man” things will keep you sane and lead to even better years in the future by getting you invited to the parties you want to attend, not getting you invited to the parties that are agonizing, and by saving a small fortune.) Talk to each family member and ask them, “What makes the holiday for you?” Try hard to include those things (if you want them to keep coming around, but if you don’t, tell them you are sure someone somewhere does that, but it will not be happening in your house), but do not under any circumstance attempt to replicate what Martha (because she might be rich, but she is nuts and has a paid staff the size of an army battalion) or anybody else with more energy than you is doing (the only energy you want to expend is pushing your Lazyboy to the reclined position). Your house is not a magazine photo shoot location (well, it might be, but you don’t want guests to see it like that because they will want to stay with you all the time), and your family is not following a script, and aren’t you glad? Be more satisficer and less maximizer. Adjust your expectations, and help your kids do that too (tell them on December 26th that you will be watching sports from your Lazyboy on December 25th of next year), if necessary. Let it be relaxed, let it be fun, let it be real (without the extended family, guests and strain on your bank account).