Parenting for Lazy People: The Only Thing You Really Have to Teach Your Child

Isn’t it a relief to find out there is only one thing you really have to teach your child? What? You don’t agree? You are thinking about toilet-training and bike-riding and no-hitting and possessions-sharing and friend-choosing and all the myriad character traits and skills good parents ought to instill in their children.

Oh, I know about all of those, but you don’t have to worry about them too much, so long as you get the really important principle taught. Is your curiosity piqued? What is this one really important thing to teach your child?

Just get this into that little person’s mind: You are ruled by a benevolent dictator.

Simple. Profound. Affects everything. Gets everyone into their proper positions in the family. Instills order, security, comfort, and peace.

I hope you will teach this to your child starting when he is so young he cannot possibly understand what a benevolent dictator is. If you do, here is a simplified thing to say to him when needed: I’m-in-Charge-You’re-Not (And I love you!)

Yes, Child, you have to take a nap because I’m-in-Charge-You’re-Not (And I love you!)

Yes, Child, you have to eat a healthy balance of foods because I’m-in-Charge-You’re-Not (And I love you!)

Yes, Child, you have to learn to share because I’m-in-Charge-You’re-Not (And I love you!)

No, Child, you may not tell me “no” because I’m-in-Charge-You’re-Not (And I love you!)

No, Child, you may not throw a fit when you don’t get your way because I’m-in-Charge-You’re-Not (And I love you!)

See? Magic!

More practical ways to apply this coming in future posts.

With apologies to my brother and sister-in-law: This is the only photo I could find of a little person in my files who looked like they might be in need of a little training. Their daughter was not being naughty when this was snapped -- it's just a momentary stance caught on the camera!

With apologies to my brother and sister-in-law: This is the only photo I could find in my files of a little person who looked like they might be in need of a little benevolent dictatorship. Their daughter was not being naughty when this was snapped — it’s just a momentary stance caught on the camera!

 

 

What parenting issues do you deal with in your family (or see other families dealing with) that I’m-in-Charge-You’re-Not (And I love you!) can solve?

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