Past Blast: Fake It Til You Make It?

From my journal, Dec., 2008:

Contentment: I struggle with contentment at this time of year. I realize I am more materialistic than I wish to be – I wish I had piles of money to buy lavish gifts for loved ones, and let’s be honest, I wouldn’t mind a few little piles to replace my hated carpet with wood floors and to take a trip or two or five – but it is more than that. I want to be better than I am. Or, perhaps it is more accurate to say I am better than I want to be. I serve when I want to be lazy, I open the house when I want to be alone, I engage when I prefer to withdraw, I encourage when I feel like giving a good shake, and I pull along when I’d happily be towed. Am I the only one? Is it disingenuous of me to do the opposite of my inclination? Or is it correct to simply do right no matter what?

Mentor: A woman could choose a worse life coach than Abigail Adams. I find her words below germane to my character struggles. I can do good, but I wonder if I am good. I wonder if I will ever get to the point where good is what I always WANT to do, really and truly, through and through. “To be good, and do good, is the whole duty of man comprised in a few words.” — Abigail Adams

Detail of building in Williamsburg, VA; same era as Mrs. Adams, but not the same location

Am I alone in these struggles?

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