Many people think of homemaking as a job that involves a cycle of doing chores and producing meals and bringing in the necessary stuff that keeps the human beings living in the home able to do what they do and the homemaker as a kind of unpaid domestic who performs those duties. Others prefer to consider homemaking as a calling and a way of thinking and acting that nurtures the people living in the home and the homemaker as an emotionally-centering figure reaching out, embracing, and meeting the needs of the others. People of both opinions often share a similar problem, however: they find doing the practical work of homekeeping rather a drag.
The longer I have been a homemaker and the more I talk to other women, the more I am convinced that the problem is this: our job skills are lousy. Does that sound harsh? I suppose it is, a little, but I stand by it. If homemakers were paid domestic employees and did the quality of work evident in their own homes, a good percentage would be out of a job fast. I am not judging how well they snuggle their kids or relate to their husbands, you understand – I mean maintaining a home environment that includes regular meals, a ready supply of laundry, and rooms clean and tidy enough to facilitate the living that goes on in them.
Now, don’t click away in high dudgeon or despair. Stay with me for a couple of more minutes. I know you are picturing the unmade beds and the dishes in the sink and maybe the closet you are scared to open and you are either seething that I would dare to judge you when you have so many other obligations and interests pulling at you and anyway nobody helps and who wants to spend their lives cleaning, or you are dissolving into a puddle of self-loathing and are convinced you are worthless and hopeless.
Stop! Neither of these reactions does anybody any good, and we have spent far too much time thinking that way already. In fact, the reason for this series is that it occurs to me that what stops most of us from being competent, contented homemakers is our faulty thinking. When we change our minds, we change our lives, and I want to help myself and other homemakers change our lives for the better.
Ok. Good goal, but how do we do that? We will explore the ways we sometimes think about homemaking and how we can train our thinking into more helpful directions. And, for each thinking topic, we’ll have a practical task or activity to help us make real progress toward embracing our new mindset. Some of the topics in my working outline:
–Developing a Vision for My Home and My Job
–Being a Grown-up – Time to Quit Playing House
–Competence Leads to Contentment Like Stress Leads to Chocolate
–Keeping the “Flex” in Flexibility without Losing the “Stand” in Standards
Still friends? It doesn’t matter where we are right now or where we have been. What matters is what we will begin to do from this point forward. Around here, we’re all about forgiveness for the past, determination in the present, and hope for the future. I think there is a better way, and I hope you’ll join me as we think together about better thinking.
For now, have you ever heard the expression “People before things”? I offer you a revised version that I believe is closer to the truth:
People before things, but the order of things affects people.
What do you think about that idea?
Special note: April over at the excellent blog, The Flourishing Abode, is starting a really exciting series about blog makeovers. Imagine my surprise and delight when she asked ME if I would like to have In My Kitchen, In My Life be the blog she uses for demonstration. I am so grateful for her offer and I am living in a state of anticipation to see all the terrific upgrades she plans.
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