Personal filters usher in new practices and activities we believe will enrich us, they keep out what we believe will overwhelm or damage us, they drive us to continue doing the things we believe in even when doing them is not convenient, and they get us to stop the things we have been doing when we decide they need not to be a part of our lives any longer. How does that look in real life? A mom and dad of young kids, Sue and David decide, among many, many other choices:
1. Their children will be allowed to pick an instrument and take lessons when they are old enough because they want them to know how to read music and have an appreciation for it.
2. Their family will not pursue organized team sports because they are too expensive and time-consuming; instead, they will take play outdoor games together, take walks, and possibly organize a weekly activity with friends.
3. It is important to keep training their children to go to bed and get up at consistent times because they believe everyone is happier and more productive when they have an adequate amount of sleep, and a reliable schedule is the best way to accomplish that.
4. They will stop making social commitments on Saturday evenings unless it is a very special circumstance because their children are too cranky all day Sunday if they don’t get to bed at the usual time.
Sue and David are choosing what they will begin to do, what they will not begin to do, what they will continue to do, and what they will stop doing in order to keep the fullness and content of their family’s life balanced and positive.
Other families, just as loving, just as committed, might make different choices because of their different personal filters. Ashley and Josh think like this:
1. They will encourage their children to participate in lots of organized sports activities because sports offer the benefits of improving health and stamina, building confidence and sportsmanship, and are a great way for the family members to support and cheer one another on.
2. They will not arrange for music lessons for their kids because they will be so busy with sports schedules. If any of their children want to learn an instrument, they can teach themselves or take lessons when they grow up.
3. No matter how crazy the rest of their life gets, they will continue to make time to invite other families to come over on Saturday nights and Sunday afternoons. The relationships they are building with others are too precious to neglect.
4. They will stop worrying so much about naptimes and bedtimes. The kids will sleep when they need sleep, and anyway, it is good for them to learn flexibility.
As the years of child-rearing roll along, the myriad of choices that will bombard each family will be sifted through these and other filters. From the biggest decisions – home/private/public school? – to the very smallest – Will our family buy trinkets from the grocery store entrance dispensers? – lives will be shaped largely by the parents’ gatekeeper filters.
Sometime I have even said or heard others say something like, “We are not a Kool-Aid family.” Or, “We are a TV-free family.” Or, “Our family only buys products made in the US.” Or, “We are a musical family.” Or, “We are a family of travelers and story-tellers.” Or, “We are a family who serves.” All of these statements reflect gatekeeper filtering where the parents have used their values and wisdom to make choices for their families.
Previous Balancing Balance posts:
Part I Embracing the Truth
Part II Personal Filters
Part III Do I Have the Right to Choose My Filters?
Part IV Personal Filters for Life Management
What are some of the gatekeeper filters you use, consciously or unconsciously, to regulate the fullness and content of your family’s life together?
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